Lord, Give Me the Strength to Run Another Mile

I know it has been like forever since you have heard anything from me, but I did not want to "update" you without actually having updates. So here it goes..... Since the last time I talked to you, I have had a 72 hour EEG, hydascan, and seen a cardiologist.

Lets start with the hydascan, because that happened last Wednesday. So my gallbladder is bad, and I am having surgery on December 17th. It had to be after school was out. During the gallbladder surgery, the Dr. is going to do a endoscopy (look at the lining of my stomach). Considering I have some seriously awful acid reflux, he wants to make sure the lining of my stomach is fine. So funny story about this Doctor. He is Chinese or Asian or something like that. He comes in to talk to me, hands me a paper, and says," ummmm.... so your gallbladder need come out." Say it out loud with the accent. I promise it will make you laugh.

Brilynn got to skip school, so she could spend the day with me at doctors appointments. Great sisterly bonding.... not. So after the hydascan, we went and ate Mexican (my absolute favorite food ever!). Then straight to the cardiologist we went. I get an echo next week to check on my heart. I have really high blood pressure. Like normally in the 140s over high 90s to 110. Yeah, so pretty much it is horrible. He put me on a diuretic (water pill), like I didn't already pee enough. Then he is starting me on a beta blocker, and I am attempting to lose some weight. Easier said then done when you feel like crap ALL the time. I have migraines almost everyday now, and they are awful. I cannot do anything with them. I am feeling nauseous all the time. So... zofran has been my best friend.

Okay now on to the EEG. To say the least, it sucked. I thought I was going to go crazy. I got all hooked up on Thursday, and I did not get disconnected until MONDAY!! I was stuck in the house, because I was not about to go anywhere with all that junk on my head. Thursday night was my cousin Bricen's birthday (I call him "B" for some reason). I actually went with all the wires and a nice fanny pack looking thing. It was so uncomfortable. I could not sleep or shower, which was disgusting. So the EEG came back normal? I have been going to Major Hospital in Shelbyville.  I am obviously out of their league. I am going to go to someone else. Something is obviously wrong with me, and it is more then just my gallbladder.

I have been down lately. I just want answers, so we can fix it. I may be down, but I am not giving up. I only have 5 weeks left in the semester!!! That is good and bad all at the same time. I have to pass my classes. Not only am I feeling awful, my memory loss is bad. I need to spend more time studying, but I feel so bad it is hard to keep my eyes open let alone try to study. This semester has been a real challenge for me, and I am ready for it to be over. Yep, I think that is it. If you have any questions, feel free to comment and ask. I know my medical conditions are confusing and a lot of people just do not understand. If I get enough questions, I will make a whole post of questions and answers. That will be kind of fun :)

Well here are some pictures from my EEG....

Now you see it...

Now you don't...

Daniel. Supportive as all get out. I could not ask for someone better to stand beside me. You know... God does not give you more then you can handle. Well he gave me Daniel, so he could carry some of it for me. I do not work, which gets difficult at times, but He provides. Daniel works so hard to keep us afloat, so I can focus on school and my health. Maybe someday he will have a wife that is healthy :) It is a work in progress, but it will happen... I have faith.

Even the puppies were tired of my wires. I could not play with them, because they thought that they should chew on the wires. If you have not seen someone with it on, there is like a giant ponytail of wires that hangs off the back of the head. When I would lean over, it would fall to the front instead of staying on my back, so the puppies wanted to jump up and bite at them. Oh yeah, we have 2 beagles puppies... Charlie Diesel and Daisy Kay :) They are 4 months old and super cute.

Just one more... making memories. Someday we will tell our kids that it is not always easy to love, and you have to sacrifice (weekends with friends and money right now) but it is worth it. Livin' on Love like the great Alan Jackson said <--- Daniel would love that. Alan Jackson is his FAVORITE!

So Jess is a friend I know from church. I was having a really bad day yesterday. I was not feeling well, and I went to the surgeon to hear about my surgery. I just felt not good at all. Then she text me and just let me know she was thinking of me. Seriously made my day. It is those little things...

It's Been Awhile

Okay. I guess I could say the last couple weeks. I have been pretty sick. I am ready to find out what in the heck is going on, so I can get back on my feet literally. I feel like my bed or the couch has been my best friend. I have been sleeping more than I have been awake. I guess a good way to look at it is that I am one day closer to finding out how to get better and back to myself.

I have been hanging out with Brilynn, Brett and Dillan a lot lately. We actually have a gospel group together. We love it. It is fun. Even Bub (Brett) has been singing with us. We only have about 4 songs right now, but we are hoping to get some more together. 

Brilynn has been coming over a lot. I feel like in the last 2 weeks we have gotten closer than we ever were before. It has been nice. She is more than my sister now; She is my best friend. I cannot even describe how thankful I am for the friends God has placed in my life. He has given me more true and life long friends than I ever had before. They are all here for me, and they sure like to send me mushy text messages. Which I dislike very strongly. :)

"Ogres are like onions"--> Shrek (Only the best movie of all time)

Lately, I have been very emotional, and I guess you can say I have been mad at God. My lack of understanding has made me very angry. I was talking to one of my aunts, and she made me understand that God knows that I still love him. He is my father, and just like I get angry at my earthly parents, I get mad at my heavenly father too. Being angry does not mean I do not love them. It just means that I am angry. Just like my momma always said, " You will understand it when you are a parent." I feel like God is saying, "You will understand it, when it is over." This is just a speed bump in my life, even though it feels like a mountain. God can move mountains, you know? He can move mine. Sometimes I do not feel like he ever will, but I know he is going to give me strength to get through it.

This is what I believe to be the reason for my illness and struggles. I believe God wants people to see me and see my strength and to show them that my strength is from Him and only Him. I would give up if it wasn't for the strength God has given me. I get told that I am stronger than anyone thinks they can be. Little do they know that I am very weak, so weak, but with God's strength I can make it through anything.