^ wise words from the great Miranda Lambert.
First off, I am sorry I have not kept up with my blog. I have been meaning to write in it for months, but in all honesty, I have felt like complete crap.
On a positive note, I have two healthy and handsome baby boys.
Branson
Jackson
These little guys have made my life worth living. I can honestly say that I was in a dark place for a while. I had nothing to live for. I felt completely worthless. Then I had these two precious little fellas. My perspective on my life completely changed. I may not work, but I have the highest paying career there is out there. I am a mother. The amount of love that I am paid in far surpasses any money I can receive.
Picture overload!!
Just when I thought I could not love this guy anymore, he became a dad.
36 weeks!
Sorry these are not in any sort of order. Many more pictures to come... Just incase you were worried.
I have been pretty down lately knowing that next month would have been the month I graduated. I know the Lord had a different plan for me, and I am so thankful for that plan. I would not trade being a mother for the world, but it still has made me sad. A dream I had since I was an eight year old little girl has disappeared, and although I am extremely proud of all my friends that are graduating, I cannot help but be sad that I will not be standing up there receiving my diploma. It was something I had pictures for a very long time.
Being a mother to these boys have been very difficult. It takes an army. I have felt terrible, and it makes it very hard to do anything. My house is always a mess, laundry is not done, dishes need done, dinner is not cooked; It is a constant reminder that I am not the wife or mother I want to be. I know that someday I will be able to be able to be that wife and mother. It just is not quite yet.
I did finally get some answers from a new doctor is Wisconsin. In all honesty, I had to hold back the tears as I was leaving. He literally said what I have been trying to explain to everyone. He said that I have elastic veins. Meaning the blood does not flow properly from my feet back up to my head. That is why I pass out, have migraine, get the "brain fog," memory loss, and even could be the reason for joint pain. He said I have an autonomic dysfunction. It is going to be a lifestyle adjustment for me. I have always taken my good days and kicked it into overdrive. He said I would have more good days if I would take it easy. Do things slowly and take breaks. I have to wear compression socks constantly (go ahead and laugh. I am pretty much a grandma.). I have to take salt tablets and drink lots of water. I have to have a weekly exercise routine. Including 5 minutes of a laying workout twice a week to start. In order to get my blood flowing without causing me to pass out. He said it could take me a year to be able to run. I have to do water therapy. I get to swim year round :) It is definitely a lifestyle change. It already is difficult for me.
Here is an explanation of how I feel. Please read it. It is the best explanation anyone could give of how someone with an autonomic dysfunction feels.
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