Perfection is my Enemy

"Free To Be Me" by Francesca Battistelli

At twenty (one) years of age
I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged
For my destiny
But you've already won the battle
And you've got great plans for me
Though I can't always see

'Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

When I was just a girl
I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right
And I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt

'Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

And you're free to be you

Sometimes I believe
That I can do anything
Yet other times I think
I've got nothing good to bring
But you look at my heart and you tell me
That I've got all you seek
And it's easy to believe
Even though

'Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

Basically, I feel like this is my life right now. Daniel is totally tired of listening to this song, because I play it over and over again. If you have not heard it, look it up. It is really catchy. Perfection is my enemy... this is something I struggle with a lot. I had a manager tell me that I try too hard to be perfect. I do try, and I feel like that it is my enemy. I do not need to be perfect. I need to focus on what God wants for me. I always would strive for the perfect grades, and then I wanted the perfect career. I wanted to be the perfect wife and the perfect daughter. I wanted to make those around me proud, and when I found out I didn't get into nursing school the first time, I felt like a failure. Then I failed out of nursing school, that really makes me feel like a failure. So much for perfection. I am so far from it. 

"When I was just a girlI thought I had it figured out"

I was wrong. I have no clue what to do with my life.

I try to come off like I know exactly what I am doing with my life, but in all reality, I am clueless and indecisive. One minute I am all for going to school for medical imaging technology, and the next I just want to go to beauty school. So I am going to weigh out the positives and negatives to both.

Medical Imaging Technology

Positives

• I can help kids at Riley
• I think I would enjoy it

Negatives

• I am not really reliable, and I would have to be at work no matter what
• I may have to work weekends
• I would be in school for another 3 years minimum
• More debt

Beauty School

Positives

• I could own my own shop
• I could make my own hours
• If I do not feel well, I can just cancel my appointments for the day
• If my kids are sick, I can cancel my appointments for the day
• I could own a shop with my sister
• I would enjoy it
• I could help kids feel pretty (and adults of course)
• I would have clientele with all my family, church family, and friends
• I would graduate in 10 months, and then I could work
• I always have the option to go back to school later, if I wanted to

Negatives

• The money is not as good
• I would feel like I disappointed people

I have always said that my "plan B" was to go to beauty school. I said that even after graduating nursing school I wanted to go to beauty school. It is something I have always wanted to do, and I think I would be good at it. I love to do hair and makeup. I think I could run a business. I know there is a lot to owning a business, but I really think I could do it. I want to make sure that whatever I do is what the Lord wants me to do, and not what I want to do. When I chose to go to UINDY for nursing, I did not pray for what God wanted me to do. I did what I wanted to do, and now I feel like I am getting a swift kick in the rear and $30,000 in debt because I chose not to ask Him for guidence. Now I do not want to make that mistake again. I want whatever He wants. I am struggling with this. I feel like I am clueless, and I hate that. I just wish I knew exactly what I should do. Ya know? I know God will tell me, but I am impatient. He sure is teaching me patients. I still plan to go to IUPUI and check out the medical imaging technology degree. I just do not really know. I am really trying to search for what God wants from me. Not just in school, but in a home and vehicle and in everything I do. I want His will to be done more than I ever have before. I ask everyone to please say a prayer for Daniel and I that we will listen for God's will in our life. 

I also want everyone to pray for Daniel. He lost someone that was a very good family friend. He is really sad about it, so if you all could pray for him and the family of Mike. 

"Sometimes I believe
That I can do anything
Yet other times I think
I've got nothing good to bring
But you look at my heart and you tell me
That I've got all you seek"

A career seems like everything, but in all reality I've got all He seeks. That is my salvation. That is the only thing that really matters in the end.