Stand

You know, I have heard over and over again how strong I am. People tell me that they do not know how I keep going with all the hardships that surround me on a day-to-day basis. Well I get my strength from the Lord, but also I have had great examples of strength around me. The women in my family are amazing to say the least. These women have seen a lot of downs, and as I have grown up, I have always seen them just push on. They have taught me that I could sit around and feel bad for myself, or I could take the life I have been given and live it the best that I can. I do not know what I would do without the family that I have. Oh actually I do know what I would do, I will have a pity party and feel bad for myself, but instead I have to keep pushing on, just like they did/do.

I can do something great with my life. I am not feeling sad or upset with my life. I am being realistic. I am accepting what has taken place, and trying to figure out what to do next. I know that I will do great things, because I have the desire to help those around me. I have a love for those around me, and to help in anyway that I can. With that, I know God has great things in store for me. So, I am not sad. I am thankful for the plan God has for me, because I know it is a great one. I feel like a lot of readers feel like I am constantly down. I am actually not. I do have sad moments, but who doesn't? Life is not easy, but I never expected it to be. I know that I have a God that takes care of me. 

I know I posted lyrics to a song last post, but I am going to do it again. I have felt like this is my song forever. I get sad, hit my knees, then I learn to stand (With God's help, of course). The battle I have been given has made me who I am, and I am thankful that God chose me to live it. He only gives you as much as you can handle, and I feel like God knew I would be strong enough to live it. That seems like a compliment to me ;)

"Stand" by Rascal Flatts

You feel like a candle in a hurricane

Just like a picture with a broken frame

Alone and helpless

Like you've lost your fight

But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

Cause when push comes to shove

You taste what you're made of

You might bend, till you break

Cause its all you can take

On your knees you look up

Decide you've had enough

You get mad you get strong

Wipe your hands shake it off

Then you Stand, Then you stand

Life's like a novel

With the end ripped out

The edge of a canyon

With only one way down

Take what you're given before its gone

Start holding on, keep holding on

Cause when push comes to shove

You taste what you're made of

You might bend till you break

Cause it's all you can take

On your knees you look up

Decide you've had enough

You get mad, you get strong

Wipe your hands, shake it off

Then you stand, then you stand

Every time you get up

And get back in the race

One more small piece of you

Starts to fall into place

So basically I wanted to add this picture, because it cracked me up. I do not know why I found it so funny, but I did. Hope it gives you a good laugh :)

Perfection is my Enemy

"Free To Be Me" by Francesca Battistelli

At twenty (one) years of age
I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged
For my destiny
But you've already won the battle
And you've got great plans for me
Though I can't always see

'Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

When I was just a girl
I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right
And I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt

'Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

And you're free to be you

Sometimes I believe
That I can do anything
Yet other times I think
I've got nothing good to bring
But you look at my heart and you tell me
That I've got all you seek
And it's easy to believe
Even though

'Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

Basically, I feel like this is my life right now. Daniel is totally tired of listening to this song, because I play it over and over again. If you have not heard it, look it up. It is really catchy. Perfection is my enemy... this is something I struggle with a lot. I had a manager tell me that I try too hard to be perfect. I do try, and I feel like that it is my enemy. I do not need to be perfect. I need to focus on what God wants for me. I always would strive for the perfect grades, and then I wanted the perfect career. I wanted to be the perfect wife and the perfect daughter. I wanted to make those around me proud, and when I found out I didn't get into nursing school the first time, I felt like a failure. Then I failed out of nursing school, that really makes me feel like a failure. So much for perfection. I am so far from it. 

"When I was just a girlI thought I had it figured out"

I was wrong. I have no clue what to do with my life.

I try to come off like I know exactly what I am doing with my life, but in all reality, I am clueless and indecisive. One minute I am all for going to school for medical imaging technology, and the next I just want to go to beauty school. So I am going to weigh out the positives and negatives to both.

Medical Imaging Technology

Positives

• I can help kids at Riley
• I think I would enjoy it

Negatives

• I am not really reliable, and I would have to be at work no matter what
• I may have to work weekends
• I would be in school for another 3 years minimum
• More debt

Beauty School

Positives

• I could own my own shop
• I could make my own hours
• If I do not feel well, I can just cancel my appointments for the day
• If my kids are sick, I can cancel my appointments for the day
• I could own a shop with my sister
• I would enjoy it
• I could help kids feel pretty (and adults of course)
• I would have clientele with all my family, church family, and friends
• I would graduate in 10 months, and then I could work
• I always have the option to go back to school later, if I wanted to

Negatives

• The money is not as good
• I would feel like I disappointed people

I have always said that my "plan B" was to go to beauty school. I said that even after graduating nursing school I wanted to go to beauty school. It is something I have always wanted to do, and I think I would be good at it. I love to do hair and makeup. I think I could run a business. I know there is a lot to owning a business, but I really think I could do it. I want to make sure that whatever I do is what the Lord wants me to do, and not what I want to do. When I chose to go to UINDY for nursing, I did not pray for what God wanted me to do. I did what I wanted to do, and now I feel like I am getting a swift kick in the rear and $30,000 in debt because I chose not to ask Him for guidence. Now I do not want to make that mistake again. I want whatever He wants. I am struggling with this. I feel like I am clueless, and I hate that. I just wish I knew exactly what I should do. Ya know? I know God will tell me, but I am impatient. He sure is teaching me patients. I still plan to go to IUPUI and check out the medical imaging technology degree. I just do not really know. I am really trying to search for what God wants from me. Not just in school, but in a home and vehicle and in everything I do. I want His will to be done more than I ever have before. I ask everyone to please say a prayer for Daniel and I that we will listen for God's will in our life. 

I also want everyone to pray for Daniel. He lost someone that was a very good family friend. He is really sad about it, so if you all could pray for him and the family of Mike. 

"Sometimes I believe
That I can do anything
Yet other times I think
I've got nothing good to bring
But you look at my heart and you tell me
That I've got all you seek"

A career seems like everything, but in all reality I've got all He seeks. That is my salvation. That is the only thing that really matters in the end.