Lord, Give Me the Strength to Run Another Mile

I know it has been like forever since you have heard anything from me, but I did not want to "update" you without actually having updates. So here it goes..... Since the last time I talked to you, I have had a 72 hour EEG, hydascan, and seen a cardiologist.

Lets start with the hydascan, because that happened last Wednesday. So my gallbladder is bad, and I am having surgery on December 17th. It had to be after school was out. During the gallbladder surgery, the Dr. is going to do a endoscopy (look at the lining of my stomach). Considering I have some seriously awful acid reflux, he wants to make sure the lining of my stomach is fine. So funny story about this Doctor. He is Chinese or Asian or something like that. He comes in to talk to me, hands me a paper, and says," ummmm.... so your gallbladder need come out." Say it out loud with the accent. I promise it will make you laugh.

Brilynn got to skip school, so she could spend the day with me at doctors appointments. Great sisterly bonding.... not. So after the hydascan, we went and ate Mexican (my absolute favorite food ever!). Then straight to the cardiologist we went. I get an echo next week to check on my heart. I have really high blood pressure. Like normally in the 140s over high 90s to 110. Yeah, so pretty much it is horrible. He put me on a diuretic (water pill), like I didn't already pee enough. Then he is starting me on a beta blocker, and I am attempting to lose some weight. Easier said then done when you feel like crap ALL the time. I have migraines almost everyday now, and they are awful. I cannot do anything with them. I am feeling nauseous all the time. So... zofran has been my best friend.

Okay now on to the EEG. To say the least, it sucked. I thought I was going to go crazy. I got all hooked up on Thursday, and I did not get disconnected until MONDAY!! I was stuck in the house, because I was not about to go anywhere with all that junk on my head. Thursday night was my cousin Bricen's birthday (I call him "B" for some reason). I actually went with all the wires and a nice fanny pack looking thing. It was so uncomfortable. I could not sleep or shower, which was disgusting. So the EEG came back normal? I have been going to Major Hospital in Shelbyville.  I am obviously out of their league. I am going to go to someone else. Something is obviously wrong with me, and it is more then just my gallbladder.

I have been down lately. I just want answers, so we can fix it. I may be down, but I am not giving up. I only have 5 weeks left in the semester!!! That is good and bad all at the same time. I have to pass my classes. Not only am I feeling awful, my memory loss is bad. I need to spend more time studying, but I feel so bad it is hard to keep my eyes open let alone try to study. This semester has been a real challenge for me, and I am ready for it to be over. Yep, I think that is it. If you have any questions, feel free to comment and ask. I know my medical conditions are confusing and a lot of people just do not understand. If I get enough questions, I will make a whole post of questions and answers. That will be kind of fun :)

Well here are some pictures from my EEG....

Now you see it...

Now you don't...

Daniel. Supportive as all get out. I could not ask for someone better to stand beside me. You know... God does not give you more then you can handle. Well he gave me Daniel, so he could carry some of it for me. I do not work, which gets difficult at times, but He provides. Daniel works so hard to keep us afloat, so I can focus on school and my health. Maybe someday he will have a wife that is healthy :) It is a work in progress, but it will happen... I have faith.

Even the puppies were tired of my wires. I could not play with them, because they thought that they should chew on the wires. If you have not seen someone with it on, there is like a giant ponytail of wires that hangs off the back of the head. When I would lean over, it would fall to the front instead of staying on my back, so the puppies wanted to jump up and bite at them. Oh yeah, we have 2 beagles puppies... Charlie Diesel and Daisy Kay :) They are 4 months old and super cute.

Just one more... making memories. Someday we will tell our kids that it is not always easy to love, and you have to sacrifice (weekends with friends and money right now) but it is worth it. Livin' on Love like the great Alan Jackson said <--- Daniel would love that. Alan Jackson is his FAVORITE!

So Jess is a friend I know from church. I was having a really bad day yesterday. I was not feeling well, and I went to the surgeon to hear about my surgery. I just felt not good at all. Then she text me and just let me know she was thinking of me. Seriously made my day. It is those little things...

It's Been Awhile

Okay. I guess I could say the last couple weeks. I have been pretty sick. I am ready to find out what in the heck is going on, so I can get back on my feet literally. I feel like my bed or the couch has been my best friend. I have been sleeping more than I have been awake. I guess a good way to look at it is that I am one day closer to finding out how to get better and back to myself.

I have been hanging out with Brilynn, Brett and Dillan a lot lately. We actually have a gospel group together. We love it. It is fun. Even Bub (Brett) has been singing with us. We only have about 4 songs right now, but we are hoping to get some more together. 

Brilynn has been coming over a lot. I feel like in the last 2 weeks we have gotten closer than we ever were before. It has been nice. She is more than my sister now; She is my best friend. I cannot even describe how thankful I am for the friends God has placed in my life. He has given me more true and life long friends than I ever had before. They are all here for me, and they sure like to send me mushy text messages. Which I dislike very strongly. :)

"Ogres are like onions"--> Shrek (Only the best movie of all time)

Lately, I have been very emotional, and I guess you can say I have been mad at God. My lack of understanding has made me very angry. I was talking to one of my aunts, and she made me understand that God knows that I still love him. He is my father, and just like I get angry at my earthly parents, I get mad at my heavenly father too. Being angry does not mean I do not love them. It just means that I am angry. Just like my momma always said, " You will understand it when you are a parent." I feel like God is saying, "You will understand it, when it is over." This is just a speed bump in my life, even though it feels like a mountain. God can move mountains, you know? He can move mine. Sometimes I do not feel like he ever will, but I know he is going to give me strength to get through it.

This is what I believe to be the reason for my illness and struggles. I believe God wants people to see me and see my strength and to show them that my strength is from Him and only Him. I would give up if it wasn't for the strength God has given me. I get told that I am stronger than anyone thinks they can be. Little do they know that I am very weak, so weak, but with God's strength I can make it through anything.

Oh No, Here it Comes

So the day is here for the dreaded MRI. I cannot stand MRIs where they take me out then put me back in the machine. I seriously have anxiety attacks. Luckily, I am getting some "chill pills" for it, so I can relax and maybe even take a nap. 

Not only do I look like my mamaw, we sure have a lot in common. I hate MRIs as much as she did. Little emotional thing about my mamaw.... I miss her more than anyone can imagine. I wish she was here to help me through this. She was my best friend, and the person I looked up to. I am thankful for the time I had with her, yet I wish I had more. I wish I could hear her pray again. I know she would be proud of who I am, and who I am becoming. Oh yeah, and she would love Daniel. :)

Okay, so enough with the mushy stuff. There is a good thing today. I dropped my online class. YAY!!! That was one time consuming class. It was super easy, but it took up all my time. My goal is just to pass my nursing classes, and now I can focus on them. Speaking of them I should be studying now. :) I also had my advising appointment to make my schedule for next semester. I will have a 3 day weekend every weekend!!! Woohoo. Bad news is... I have to take a speech class.... BOOOO!!! I hate talking in front of people in a professional and graded way. I can talk, don't get me wrong, but not like that. I stutter and about vomit, like the girl on Pitch Perfect. Oh well.. I have to do it. Okay, now I am really going to study :) Oh yeah, here is my "I am excited I dropped my online psychology class face"

We hopefully will have the MRI results by Friday, if people do their jobs. :) Everyone have a good day! 

-->Write to ya later <--

Well, Here Goes Nothin'

Where to start... Well, I guess ladies first. We will talk about me :) My name is Brittani. History... I have a lot of it for a 20 year old. I will just cut to the chase. For as long as I can remember my health has not been the best to say the least. In 3rd grade I went to Chicago to a children's research center. I was diagnosed with something that is called cyclic vomiting syndrome (It was on an episode of Grey's Anatomy!!). It is very rare, and I normally have to explain it to doctors. When I went to the children's research center, they said that as I grew they would learn. It was so new that they did not have much information on how it would be as my body changed. I was on medication until my 6th grade year. From my 6th grade year till my Sophomore year of high school I was medication free :) Then my sophomore year of high school I started having small symptoms again... migraines, severe acid reflux, vomiting. The vomiting was not near as bad as it was when I was younger, but migraines and acid reflux were new to me. During my junior year of high school, things progressively got worse. I passed out in the cafeteria at school. It was the first time I had ever done that. It was terrifying to say the least. I remember feeling light headed and having cold sweats. I asked a friend to walk me to the nurses office. They sent this girl to carry 150lbs of dead weight. ... not the most intelligent decision they ever made.

I did not make it to the nurses office before face planting in front of half of my high school. I was known as the girl that passed out during lunch for a few months. I remember losing my hearing first. Then I lost my eye site and speech. Then I lost consciousness. Passing out was not the scary part. Coming out of it was. I remember hearing friends around me saying "Brittani, can you hear me?" "Brittani, we are here." but I could not respond. It was like I was paralyzed. My brain was comprehending and even could recognize voices, but I could not move or even open my eyes. Needless to say, I went through A LOT of medical testing. I was diagnosed with neurocardiogenic syncope (fainting). That year I was also diagnosed with vasovagal (over stimulation of the vagus nerve). I also was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Yep, it is nuts I know.

I am thankful that God puts people in your life right when you need them. I say this because my sophomore year of high school God gave me a great guy that would be with me through every trial. 

I knew from day one I was going to marry him, and I did!

Since the beginning of our relationship, we have had to fight for one another. We went through a lot for each other. That may sound like we are young and naive, but until someone goes through what we went through, they will never know how hard it truly is no matter how old the couple is.

We got hitched in July :) In April of this year, I had a terrible grand mal seizure as a few of us were getting breakfast before the country expo. My younger sister was included in this group. I hate that she had to see that, and if I could do anything, I would not take away the fact that I had the seizure. I would want her to not have to see it.

Just a little spill on her. I love this girl to death. We may fight and bicker, but that is what sisters do. Truth is.. I do not know what I would do without her. She is a rock on the outside, but if you can chisel through it (believe me it is hard), she has the softest heart of anyone I know. She is my best friend, and I know that she would bend over backwards to do something for me if I need it. Okay... mushy period over... I am sure you will get more of that later.

And back to the seizure.... I was taken to St. Francis by ambulance (P.S. I did not have medical insurance). I was not allowed to drive for 6 months and the neurologist that I saw once put me on 200mg of Lamictal a day. Since I did not have insurance, I could not get the testing done that needed to be done. So now, here we are. I finally have insurance. I am not going to lie I may have cried a little when I got my insurance card in the mail. I set an appointment with my doctor to see what steps we need to take. She schedule the normal test. An MRI, which we figured would come back normal, sent me to a different neurologist to do an EEG and continue with whatever treatment I may need. I had the MRI on a Tuesday evening. On Friday, I got a call from the doctors office. They told me that the MRI came back abnormal, my heart sunk. She told me it was mesial temporal sclerosis. So, what do I do. I look it up on google scholarly articles, and it looks bad real bad... like brain surgery bad. I am a junior year nursing student. I do not have time to eat, breath, or sleep let alone have BRAIN SURGERY!! It was a rough weekend that is for sure. My whole family was a mess. I was a mess. I was scared, but not for brain surgery. School is my life. I love it, and I love the people that I will graduate with. I cannot imagine having to drop out of school and starting over with a different class. These girls are great. They are 100% supportive and want to help me get through this semester. Here they are :)

 If I fail or have to withdrawal, I do not know if I will go back. Unfortunately, the area that is affected by this sclerosis is the area that controls emotions and MEMORY. Did I mention I am a nursing student? Talk about struggling. 

My hubby... he is being so strong for me. I asked him why he wasn't upset. I had not seen him cry or anything. I was starting to wonder if he understood how severe it could be. He told me, " If i am not strong for you, who is going to be?" This is true. My family has fallen apart. Not that they are not there for me, but strength is not in their vocabulary at this time.

So my journey continues on Wednesday evening. I am having a more detailed MRI of my temporal lobe. I will keep you updated. Ta ta for now!